Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
