the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
