No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
