are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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