Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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