Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
