Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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