I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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