I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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