i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
