Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
