What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
