I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize