Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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