watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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