So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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