Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
