Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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