I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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