I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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