I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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