you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
