guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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