2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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