Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize