Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
