ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
