I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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