i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
