i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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