I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
