Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
