i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
