maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
