even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
