Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
