hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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