I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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