Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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