I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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