oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
