I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
