your parents love me but you hate me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
