At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
