another moral hangover. fuck.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
