Where is the hickey?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
