so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
