My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I smell like Dick and happiness
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
