Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
