I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
