i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i think my cat just said my name.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
