I CAN MOONWALK!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He passed out mid-signature
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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