i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
