shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
