I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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