just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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