you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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