used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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