I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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