please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
