Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
