wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
