you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
