I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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