i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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