He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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