Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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