Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
MIDGETS
????
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
