i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
