I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
