How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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