Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
