Can Purell be used as lube?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
