I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
