If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
