Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
