Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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