Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
