chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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