how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
