oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just found puke in my bra..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
