so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
