i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
