dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
