Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
