i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
