I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
