First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize