Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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