its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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