I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
