I am in a vortex of obligation.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize