I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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