Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
