Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
