He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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